We Built with Paternal Care. We Forgot Maternal Care.
Technology has changed so much, and so have we. But here’s the truth that keeps gnawing at me: we built most of it without maternal care. We leaned almost entirely on paternal care.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Paternal care has its place. It’s sharp. It builds order. It sets the blueprint, the rules, the frameworks, the systems. That’s why we’ve been able to scale so quickly.
But building is one thing. Managing is another. Living with what you’ve built is another. And that is where maternal care comes in.
Maternal care doesn’t just ask, “Does the system work?”
It asks, “Does the system work for people?”
Paternal care: builds a clean, technical blueprint of a house—precise lines, measurements, structure.
Maternal care: makes the same house lived in environment—plants, family photos, warm light, people gathering.
The Missing Ingredient
Here’s the problem: when you build without maternal input from the very beginning, you create systems that look good on paper but feel heavy, cold, even hostile in practice.
We see it every day. A new tool rolls out. Adoption is low. Frustration is high. People bypass the system just to get their work done. And leadership wonders why the million-dollar solution isn’t delivering.
It’s not the technology. It’s the absence of care.
Same medical system, but two completely different forms of care
Paternal care: an operating room setup—sterile, efficient, full of tools. Maternal care: the recovery room—blankets, comfort, nurses checking in, loved ones present.
A Story That Stuck with Me
A few years back, a GovCon deployed a big, shiny performance review tool. It had all the bells and whistles—dashboards, scoring rubrics, predictive analytics. Executives were thrilled.
But when review season came around? It was a nightmare. Employees hated logging in. Managers avoided it. HR spent weeks putting out fires.
The system was built with precision but not with care. It never asked:
How do people feel giving and receiving feedback?
What power dynamics are at play?
What creates safety in a review process?
After three rough quarters, the company brought in someone new to overhaul the system. She didn’t rebuild it from scratch—she simply layered in maternal care. She added peer recognition features, anonymous feedback, reflection prompts.
And the shift was immediate. People actually used the tool. They trusted it. They leaned on it. The same structure, but now with care woven through it.
Systems aren’t just about rules but about how people move within them
Paternal care: a chessboard—strategy, rules, hierarchy. Maternal care: a playground full of kids—dynamic, relational, joyful chaos that still works.
Why It Matters Now
We’re entering a moment where systems are only going to get bigger, faster, smarter. AI, automation, the 5th Industrial Revolution—it’s all happening at once.
But if we keep designing with paternal care alone, we’ll keep creating things that technically work but practically fail.
We don’t need to throw paternal care out. We need to balance it. One builds the house. The other makes it livable.
The future won’t belong to the people who build the fastest systems. It’ll belong to the people who care enough to make them usable, sustainable, human.
